Help! Send chocolate

A bad day of proofing my novel. One of those days when I’m sure that it’s shit, when every word feels awkward, when reading over what I’ve written makes me feel unsure and self-conscious, the way I used to feel walking the hallways in high school.

One of those days when that voice shouts in my head: Who do you think you are?

Who do I think I am?

I’m not sure, so I did what countless other writers have done when faced with the same struggle. I got out the chocolate.

I’m halfway finished with this baby and my head is flying from the sugar buzz. A few more squares and I’ll discover the meaning of the life, and then I won’t have to write. I can sit back and play with my toes.

To make matters worse, I have to mail in my novel to my agent Monday and my printer cartridge ran out. I’m the kind of writer that needs to read hard copy to spot errors, so I’m in a bit of a bind. No stores for 125 miles, and it’s rainy and slick outside, not good conditions for driving through two mountain passes.

I’m wondering what in the hell I’m doing in Seward, Alaska. I’m wondering if I made a mistake moving here.

I’m wondering where I can get more of this very finnnneee chocolate.

The weather is as gray as my mood:

One good spot of the day. I finished reading this, and I sat in the bathroom and cried. Oh, is there anything better than reading a book so beautiful and true that you weep at the end?

I shall have to email Peter C. Brown a message and tell him how much I love, love, loved his book.

Another good note: I discovered the most wonderful and grueling treadmill hill work out, since it’s too mushy to run here. This pic looks harmless but it’s actually ankle-deep slush, with ice hiding beneath:

My grueling treadmill hill work out:
1/4 mile 7% incline
1/4 mile recovery 0 incline
1/2 mile 10% incline
1/4 mile recovery
1/4 mile 8% incline
1/4 mile recovery
1/2 mile 11% incline
1/4 mile recovery
1/4 mile 7% incline
1/4 mile recovery
1/2 mile 10% incline

It is delicously angonizing. I actually moaned at one point, it’s that intense.

Back to the proofing, sigh, sigh.

Reading: Not sure, will have to check my bookshelves

Running: Yesterday, 5 mile tempo. Today, grueling hillwork

3 thoughts on “Help! Send chocolate

  1. Mary

    Oh I can so relate to the comments about your novel! Amen, sister!

    Although I am jealous as hell that you have an agent at least. I am still struggling and wonder if I will ever get a book published. So you are miles ahead of a lot of us!


  2. Ah Ah Alaska

    Thanks Ajh and Hi Mary! Getting an agent isn't that difficult, you just have to be persistent. It's common to send out 100 queries, in 25 count batches. And if it's any consolation, I've been struggling over this book for five years. Five looonnnggg years (that I'll never have back, eh?)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s